I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
