im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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