When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
