The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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