and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
