I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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