How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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