I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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