we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
