If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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