Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
