It's Friday. Sex?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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