Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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