I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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