i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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