he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
