I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
