I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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