that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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