awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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