Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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