I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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