I think I died a long time ago.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
