is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
