We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did I show you my penis last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
