It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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