Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
