i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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