So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i believe in u and ur pee
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
