i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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