My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
