He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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