Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
