Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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