If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
