ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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