Do you still have your period?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
