got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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