uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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