I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
