a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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