but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
