I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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