O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
