worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
