I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
