After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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