she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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