once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
