In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
