Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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