At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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