my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
