How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
